Thursday, January 26, 2012

Reasons You Should Share Your Bed (Appropriately, Of Course)

1. Well that one's obvious. Moving on to number two...

2. Those cold feet of yours now have their own person space heater to accompany them.

3. You always have someone there to talk to (though they'll most likely fall asleep in the middle of your story).

4. You have someone to introduce into your covered wagon.

5. There is the possibility that someone else will get you a drink in the middle of the night.

6. You'll have someone around to tell you the funny things you said last night in your sleep.

7. People tend to be less annoying than alarm clocks in the morning (though often harder to turn off).

8. You have someone there to tell you when you should go to bed, even if it does not sound like the most entertaining of your options.

9. When they snore, or start talking nonsense, you can record it (it really is more fun than I would have ever expected).

10. Cause you love them. And cause everyday begins and ends with you seeing your favorite person in the world.

Reasons to Never Share Your Bed

1. The Sleep Cycle app will never work properly.

2. You will get blamed for stealing the covers.

3. There are now twice as many people in your bed that could possibly be farty.

4. They will undoubtedly smear mascara all over your pillow cases, especially if they're feeling a bit emotional.

5. "Your" bed has now become "our" bed. This means that your ownership has now been reduced to a thirty percent claim of the sleeping space, and still, you will often get blamed for taking up "the whole bed".

6. Someone else's cold feet are now your problem that you must fix.

7. On the right occasion, even the prettiest of girls will snore loud enough that you will curse the fact that you own no earplugs.

8. You are a prisoner of your bed as soon as you lay down, as you don't want to wake up the light sleeper next to you for something as trifle as a bathroom or kitchen break.

9. Whatever volume you would listen to anything at to assist the sleeping process is assuredly FAR too loud for your sleeping companion.

10. Bed temperature will never again reach a comfortable equilibrium. If one of you is just right, the other will be asking for more blankets, or simply sliding into snowboarding attire being crawling into the sheets. If the other is comfortable, his or her partner will be trying to figure out how to situate themselves under the requisite amount of bed linens to maintain temperature control.

It sounds like all fun and games, but you've been warned now.