Thursday, January 26, 2012

Reasons to Never Share Your Bed

1. The Sleep Cycle app will never work properly.

2. You will get blamed for stealing the covers.

3. There are now twice as many people in your bed that could possibly be farty.

4. They will undoubtedly smear mascara all over your pillow cases, especially if they're feeling a bit emotional.

5. "Your" bed has now become "our" bed. This means that your ownership has now been reduced to a thirty percent claim of the sleeping space, and still, you will often get blamed for taking up "the whole bed".

6. Someone else's cold feet are now your problem that you must fix.

7. On the right occasion, even the prettiest of girls will snore loud enough that you will curse the fact that you own no earplugs.

8. You are a prisoner of your bed as soon as you lay down, as you don't want to wake up the light sleeper next to you for something as trifle as a bathroom or kitchen break.

9. Whatever volume you would listen to anything at to assist the sleeping process is assuredly FAR too loud for your sleeping companion.

10. Bed temperature will never again reach a comfortable equilibrium. If one of you is just right, the other will be asking for more blankets, or simply sliding into snowboarding attire being crawling into the sheets. If the other is comfortable, his or her partner will be trying to figure out how to situate themselves under the requisite amount of bed linens to maintain temperature control.

It sounds like all fun and games, but you've been warned now.


Tyler and Ariana said...

I (attempted to) read this post to Tyler out loud. One problem, I was laughing so hard I was crying. He also thought it was amazingly awesome.
My favorites: #4 and #6
Love you guys!
Ariana (& Tyler)

P.S. I would've thought mascara on pillowcases was just a fact in your life by now.

Tyler and Ariana said...

Sooooo, apparently that P.S. sounds way more scandalous than I meant. That was unintentional.

Bonnie said...

And in 33 years the pros and cons are still the same EXCEPT that I definately own six pairs of ear plugs and keep air freshner close by:0)

Bonnie said...

sorry I can't go back and spell definitely correct:0(

indeazgirl said...

Love these lists.

RC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RC said...

Please note that your mother did not specify exactly WHO the air freshener was for.