Thursday, December 11, 2008

Girls Really Do Run the World

There is a common misconception in society that males run the world. Sure they are found in more leadership positions, they are paid more, and they are titled as the head of the government in every country in the world (to the best of my knowledge). But really, guys are a bunch of suckers.

Guys will really do most anything that women ask. Even if the male is in the spotlight, everyone knows that there is a woman in the background giving orders. Probably half the reason Obama won was because no one thought that Hillary should be able to serve three presidential terms. Girls speak and generally guys listen.

What this is leading to is a point that I have discussed several times with my friends; guys dress to impress girls, girls dress to impress girls as well.

Girls, you should try out a little experiment. The next time you see one of your guy friends in a shirt that you don't particularly like, tell him that you really don't like it. Wha-la. You will never see him wear that shirt again. Just like that. On the other hand, a girl could get six similar comments about a shirt, but if her best friend said she looked cute in it, she wouldn't care the least.

I will give you a few more examples. Starting with my favorite:

The Poof

I understand girls like their hair out of their faces. There are other options though, as this is always a bad choice. I know it's fast. I know it is convenient. I know your girlfriends say you look cute. But it is not. Do not try to justify it because your poof is not as big as these girls. Guys still don't like it. Go ahead. Ask them.

Skinny Jeans

One morning a really wealthy fashion designer was enjoying a delicious bowl of muesli for breakfast when the thought came into their head, "What if we stuffed average-sized girls into jeans that were custom tailored for Kate Moss?!?!" Thus the skinny jean was born.

I need to throw in a disclaimer first. Kristine, you are built very little. I am not convinced entirely that skinny jeans are the best choice even for you, but you are one of the 0.0243 % of girls that could "pull them off" the best I suppose they can be. However, the other 99.9757% of the female gender is not built like that. What girl thinks when they wake up in the morning, "I think I will find the jeans that will make my hips look as wide as they possibly can and wear them. Yeah, that's a good idea."? Do they not know that this is the result of wearing skinny jeans? Or is it just because their roommate is in the background saying, "Oh Quinn, you look soooo cute in those."

Really Big Sunglasses

The big sunglasses guys are reluctantly accepting. But just remember they do like to see some of your face girls.


Guys never liked these. We just surrendered eventually because they didn't go away.

High Waisted Skirts

Over the years girls have figured out new ways to hide the few extra pounds that they may hang on to. One of the more popular ideas has been the high wasted skirt. It does do an amazing job eliminating the "muffin top", but it also all-but-eliminates every bit of female torso. Some do make the legs look a little longer, but most simply make your booty longer as well. The problem is, Kate Hudson can barely pull off a high waisted skirt. Why would average girls be able to pull them off? Bad idea. Unless you untuck the shirt.

Just ask for a guys advice girls. And listen.


RC said...

Okay Martha, you have told the world about your fashion consciousness but still not one word on your humanitarian trip to Mexico. What is up with this? Don't you know that when women read about this that they will flock to you with their nurturing side wide open? Stop with the stuff telling women what to wear and how to do their hair and get busy trying to REACH them....

Anonymous said...

It's good to know that I've got the power...

You did forget to mention high waisted skirts, I thought for sure you'd include them!

Sweet Em said...

The "make a comment to a guy about his shirt" thing only works if you are single. Aaron has one orange shirt that I wish would die a horrid death and still he wears it...why must I suffer?

I can see your point on the poofy pony tail and the skinny jeans. But big sunglasses and capris rock - and i LOVE the highwaisted skirt on the right body type

Anonymous said...

good to know you loved my skirt on sunday. :] which made you add the section on here before you even read my comment. i knew you were going to hate it!